Let’s face it…most brewers are men. While there are some highly-regarded female brewmasters working today (like Carol Stoudt of Stoudt’s Brewing), the industry is still unfortunately dominated by the unfairer sex. On the plus side, the preponderance of male brewers has led to some pretty sweet beer labels over the years.

Let’s take a look at 10 of the most titillating labels out there. As always, please let us know which ones we missed in the comments (please?!):




10. Southern Star Bombshell Blonde: Lots of brews use 50’s era bombshell pictures for their beer labels, but this is my favorite. Something about the way she’s riding that missile…

9. Clown Shoes Brown Angel: Clown Shoes took a little heat for this one, but I can’t complain. See how long it takes you to notice that she has wings…

8. Ska True Blonde/True Blonde Dubbel: Couldn’t decide which one was better so I just included ’em both. That’s one lucky moped.

7. Midnight Sun Panty Peeler: Makes the list for the name alone.

6. Cantillon Rosé de Gambrinus: A phenomenal Belgian lambic with a label to match. Yes, that’s a buck-naked woman on that knight’s lap. Good for him.

5. Atwater Dirty Blonde/Dogfish Head Chateau Jiahu: Two sides to the same coin…an American blonde and a sultry Asian flashing tramp stamps. Lovely.

4. Clown Shoes Tramp Stamp: Just in case you missed the tattoos on the Atwater and Dogfish Head girls above, Clown Shoes went ahead and named a beer after that enticing ink.

3. Middle Ages Double Wench: Middle Ages actually makes a less potent version of this brew called the Wailing Wench. But the Double Wench is a bit more, shall we say, pneumatic.

2. Upright Four Play: I’ll be honest, it really doesn’t get much better than the Four Play…

1. Upright 2nd Anniversary Four Play: Unless it’s the 2nd Anniversary Four Play. Sweet.

22 thoughts on “SEXIEST BEER LABELS

  1. You men are simple & easy, LOL. Sex & beer= bliss. I’m not complaining, au contraire! I’m very much the same. ;p Last night I quite enjoyed a couple Sierra Nevada Southern Hemisphere Harvest Ales, Oaked Arrogant Bastard, & looong nite of uninhibited, truly satisfying sex. I’d be having more of the same if I didn’t have to be to work!

  2. Resie Rae,

    As one of the aforementioned simple and easy sex, I would only like to say thank you (sooo very much) for sharing that! :-}
    See? Simple.

  3. The Chinese character tramp stamp on #5, Dogfish Head Chateau Jiahu, is 酒, the character for “alcohol”. Thought that was kinda funny.

  4. someone somewhere needs to do a limited edition dirty beer for women. hops and hunks or something much more clever and fun. just once. please?

  5. Haha, I actually like that idea, anonymous. How many beers are there out there adorned with pictures of sweaty firefighters, anyway?

  6. Yeah, right…like there’s some kind of “magic” book that defines all of the words in the English language, Barm. I’d like to see that!

    In all seriousness, there’s a mighty fine line between “sexy” and “sexist” and advertisers in every medium cross it constantly. To further muddy the issue, that line is entirely in the eyes of the beholder. I suspect some consumers wouldn’t see any problem with the above labels while others would find ALL of them offensive. Arguably the most “graphic” labels are the two Four Play submissions. But the models on those labels are Portland natives (where Upright Brewing is located) and they were well aware of what they were posing for when those labels were designed. The Clown Shoes Brown Angel is another controversial one. Some have argued that it’s racist, sexist, or both. The Clown Shoes CEO has pointed out that his wife is dark-skinned and that he sees the label as a sexy homage to her.

    Again, it depends entirely on your perspective. Most of these labels are fairly goofy and cartoonish and I personally don’t find any of them offensive, but I completely understand those who do.*

    *Note: I’m excluding the Middle Ages Double Wench. I don’t really have an excuse for that one.

  7. For what it’s worth (not much), I don’t believe any of the current Aleheads are particularly qualified to judge the sexiness of beer labels on the other side of the coin, so to speak. It’s also unfortunately true that breweries tend to be fun by men more often than women (I have no evidence to back up that assertion), and beer still tends to be marketed to men more aggressively than toward women (probably unfairly). All of that is to say that beer labeling as a concept is itself is probably inherently sexist. When they put men on beer labels they tend to be an image of an old man who’s either a real or made up historical figure, some kind of fairy tale creature (leprechauns, a devil/demon, satyrs, etc.), or some drunk idiot. Additionally, right or wrong, there is a long tradition of hiring attractive young women to serve testosterone-filled men beer in order to incite the men to drink more. That tradition has ended up on beer labels in the form of St. Pauli Girls and the like, partly because it’s at this point become an iconic association as much as anything else. I actually tried, but it’s incredibly hard to find a sexy man on a beer label. I don’t think you could come up with ten at all, let alone a top ten. But mostly, this is all Barley’s fault. So be mad at him, not the rest of us.

  8. For me, beer is my porn, (Draft mag centerfolds! WOOT!), and believe me, some of the beers I’ve had are far superior to any aphrodisiac or ‘spanish fly’ out there- I’m more likely to be turned on by the words ‘Imperial Stout’ or ‘Abbey Quad’ than anything the sex industry could put out. (pun most DEFINITELY intended! ;p) So for a beer label to have a scantily clad wench on it, doesn’t even make me bat an eye. I’m not offended- why? Because the female form is a beautiful thing & should be celebrated (and maybe even drooled over HA! -no I’m not gay or bi- I just think a woman is wondrous creature) and HELL legends & myths have been perpetuated just FROM the female body (Valkyries, sirens, mermaids, etc) and I think the world is a better, more interesting place, because of them. So if any woman is offended by sexy beer labels, maybe you need to consider being the recipient of a good, hard shagging! Drink the beer, have an orgasm, drink the beer! ‘Sexy’ has been with mankind for thousands of years- you ain’t getting rid of it!

    Food for thought: maybe you feminazis need to stop focusing on beer labels aimed at ADULTS & start pestering TLC for that gawd-awful show Toddlers & Tiaras. Sexualizing children is the problem! Not beer!

  9. The czar has decided to stop pulling his grey nose hairs to protest the objectification of his oligarch profile.

  10. Pingback: ingredient checker

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s