IN A METAL MOOD

When Left Hand released Fade to Black Vol. 2 last fall, my first thought was the classic Metallica power ballad. Yeah, I called it a power ballad. I figured the folks at Lefthand were classic metal fans but the phrase could refer to something else. About a month ago, when they released “Wake Up Dead” (an early song by Megadeth), and “TNT” (ok, if you need me to tell you who that is, you clearly aren’t old enough to drink beer), it was made clear: Left Hand enjoys the art of shredding.

Metal and craft beer go great together. They are both bold, innovative, and refreshing alternatives in industries where making a buck is all that matters in the mainstream. Therefore it was obvious I needed to hold a metal beer tasting event. Along with the Miss, I called over my good friends James Hopfield and Brews Dickinson to try the TNT, the Wake Up Dead, and the Fade to Black. Raise your lighters!

Left Hand TNT: Wiezen Dopplebock infused with Tea leaves.

Notes: 22oz bottle poured into snifters. Ok, right off the bat, if I was going to make an AC/DC beer, it would not be a Wiezen Dopplebock infused with tea leaves. It would be a Fosters poured into a pint glass with a pair of panties in it.

ABV: 7.9%

James Hopfield: This was kind of pricey wasn’t it? This beer is not dirt cheap.

Ms: “nor does it have balls”

Appearance:

Hordeum: This is a weird looking beer, like murky pond water

Ms: While not dirt cheap, it does appear “dirty.” At least something recalls AC/DC. Very cloudy, lots of sediment

Head:

Non-existent

Lacing:

None

Nose:

Brews Dickinson: Overdone sweet tea

Hordeum: And yardwork… perhaps the scent of and Angus Young’s shorts?

Taste:

James Hopfield: This tastes like it has fish in it. Like smoked salmon in a glass, which isn’t what I’m looking for in a beer.

Hordeum: This tastes like a mix the vomit that Bon Scott choked and died on.

Brews Dickinson: It’s hard to finish a glass of this.

Meatball the cat just turns her head away.

Rating:

Hordeum: This beer would be better named “Death by misadventure” a tribute to Bon Scott’s death certificate.

James Hopfield: It should have been something raw, punchy, simple- don’t overthink it.

Ms: Adjuncts should have included “concrete shoes,” “cyanide,” “neck ties,” “contracts,” and “high voltage.”

Brews Dickinson: I’m going to use my skills learned working at a tea shop to read the future in the tea sediment in the bottom of the bottle. Ok… it says… you just drank a lot of bad beer!

1.5 hops.

Left Hand Wake Up Dead Imperial Stout.

Notes: Ok, we should be stepping this up in heaviness a lot. 22oz bomber poured into snifters.

Appearance:

Hordeum: Not black, WTF? This looks more like a brown ale.

Head:

A tiny bit of white head, very little carbonation.

Lacing:

None

Nose:

Nothing to speak of

Taste:

Hordeum: More like an imperial brown ale. Malty sweetness, well balanced by bittering hops. Nice flavors, but not what I’m looking for in an Imperial Stout.

James Hopfield: Nutty aftertaste, and thrashers are nutty people.

Brews Dickinson: I like it, but not a great Megadeth beer. A Megadeth beer should be complex and so difficult to brew it makes you want to give up homebrewing.

Meatball the cat approves.

Rating:

Hordeum: As a stout this gets pour marks, as a Double Brown Ale, it scores well. We’ll split the difference at 2.5 hops.

Left Hand Fade to black Vo.2: Baltic Porter.

Hordeum: I don’t feel like writing, so I’m going to link again to the previous review.

James Hopfield: I really like this beer, but I don’t think I could drink more than one.

Brews Dickinson: This is clearly the winner of the night. Does this mean that Metallica is the best metal band ever?

Hordeum: I think we need some other candidates to try:

Brews: “Blitzkrieg” Imperial Marzen?

Hopfield: “Phantom Lord” Stout?

Hordeum: “The Thing That Should Not Be” Blueberry Lager?

Brews: “Blackened” Rauchbier?

Hopfield: “Harvester of Sorrow” Fresh hop ale?

Hordeum: “My Friend Misery” Malt Liquor?

Ms. “Rye of the Ancient Mariner”

Hordeums: “Wasted Years” …. well, that could be anything …

Feel free to add other metal beer names in the comments.